Never ever ever did I think I would be in this position I’m in. Am I in my right mind? Yes am I really going to be ok? I hope yes. I have given up so much if my happiness because I didn’t want to hurt other people. This time I’m going to give shit a chance. If it don’t work then so be it. I need to focus elsewhere because I’m losing so great parts of me because I’m focused on one thing. Love. It can give you pleasure and it can give you pain. Maybe if I start to do the things that I used to it wouldn’t annoy me so much.
Normally in love you have times you can spill a poem or a few lines to describe how you feel, but when you are not quite sure what the hell you’re doing the words turn into a puddle on the paper. They don’t seem authentic because you were conflicted at the time it is written. I’ve been told it’s not good to put out things when you are not 100% into it. You can’t force a masterpiece. I miss writing and doing some spoken word and I will be getting back into it no excuse. I actually have a project I’m supposed to be doing and can’t seem to sit down and fix my brain to complete it. I need to get on it cause it for a good cause.
I want people to be proud of me and what I’ve accomplished and nothing else. Whatever mistakes I’ve made are my mistake to learn from and I don’t think God would want it any other way. These 35 years could have should and would’ve been better but hey I’m still here and I’m going to live the rest of my life being happy…living happy and those that don’t fit into the equation will be dropped off without a roundtrip pass…one way only. I guess you don’t stop learning new things because you are an adult.
I wish that I had better experiences or that I have made better judgments’ in the past but that’s neither here or there. Decisions, choices, advice, experience, and finally fuck it go with the flow and let people live their life and I’ll live mine.