sisterhood

So me and my sis haven't talked in bout a month cause she felt like i treat one of my friends better than her. folks i have been there for her as much as i can. I'm not the big sister but i have been good to her when no one else was there. when she had her first child i did the pampers clothes and even kept my niece so she could continue to kick it and be a kid hence she was only 16 and i was 19. over the years we have had our tiffs and our good times...she feels she is a better mother cause she stays home a lot. i have always been a hard worker but for my kids i have to work hard so they cant live better than me and my siblings did. i haven't had many "girlfriends" cause I'm so allergic to all the cattiness that some people bring with em. Trust me i know. i always looked at my sis as my best friend even tho throughout the years she went through many friends as did i. she has been there for me in many situations as sisters should be. she feels suck as an auntie and maybe i do i have big kids she has babies.. i don't do babies..mind u she spoils them so umm i cant handle that. so recently me and a friend of mine got closer i mean like real sister girls and she took that as i changed. she said i treated my bff better than her?!! first of all i could never do that when me and my siblings have been through alot and we have all come out of things okay. I spoke to my brother bout it and he said sis we grow up grow out and grow apart but we always come back to each other and help each other out. so i feel like i have been there for her and she has been there for me and we cant measure the love that we have given each other over the years. This last year has been hard cause new years eve will be a year since my grandmother suddenly passed away after having a stroke a week beforehand. i really wanna spend time with my mother cause its been hard for her not having my granny and it was evident when mothers day came around she had a hard time and i couldn't muster up the courage to go back. I planned and took care of all the arrangements for my Grandmother cause it was too hard for my uncle to do alone. I was cool as a cucumber until.. the casket we turned to leave the burial site and in the spilt second i took to turn and look one more time i lost it... was inconsolable not even by my mom. that day has sat with me this whole year and i wish me and my sis wasn't beefing cause i don't want the last thing i say to her was "do you and ill do me". i dunno y'all but my sis means the world to me and she knows it but I'm at a point of my life that i gotta look out for me and my two kids. Selfish? no... i need to I'm stressing out and i cant call my sister cause she may "go there" with me and i wont be responsible for what i say. let me know how to go about this i know I'm just reaching but hey its my blog lol.