Its 2am here and I'm at work wide awake believe it or not. having a decent night compared to the rest of the days I'm here be out of control. I'm sitting here with my thoughts and i have to say i had a good day. i think the good night of uninterrupted sleep help me. my kids were gone and my man at work and nothing but me and silence. i had time to myself this morning and i loved it. since the day i gave birth to my son Brandon in 1997 i crave the days of silence and ME time. don't get it twisted i love my children and my dude but the amount of time i have to just breathe is minimum.

Cleaning and blasting Melanie Fiona without anyone asking me to turn it down. Bleach bombed the bathroom just the way i like it cleaned with no interruption. Dusting off my pictures on the mantle piece and throwing away the crap the kids hide cause they don't wanna part with it... I'm the bad guy I get rid of it. I just loved the way the day turned out. My boo got off work and instead of me sitting in front of the TV I payed him attention made sure his stuff was laid out for his shower and breakfast was ready so he could just lay down after his 12 hour shift and not have to move.

I'm noticing things always seems so hard cause I'm fighting, or rebelling against the norm. i hope to have many more days like this. I am going to be alright. I am going to get this monkey off my back. I will not be in the same position come next year. There will be a bright light at the end of the tunnel. I have seen, done, and heard a lot in my short lifetime but I plan on not letting the things in the past affect me so much.

I wrote the blog "standing in my own way" because that's how i feel like I'm doing harm to myself by being so mean and stuck in my ways. I have been hurt a lot in my past. I have had my heart broke in more ways than one. I have witnessed some real life craziness when it come to relationships, motherhood and family... but now i see I'm letting that shit mess up the good things that i have going on in my life.

I have been working on getting a poetry book copyrighted and published and with the help of a friend i think i have the publishing covered. i have wrote about pain so much people expect it to come from me. I intend to shut that door and lock it an move on the the better days in my life. Not saying shit is perfect cause it is not by a long shot... I'm getting there tho.

thanks for reading have a great week!!!


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