A DARK MOMENT...SHEDS NEW LIGHT
“Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily… life is but a dream”
Life is almost stable for me as I type this. This year has been one of many surprises many ups and downs and of many smiles. 2009 was my turn around year a year I can say I clearly understand what life is all about. Not the money not the company of people who can care less if u have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. This year I lost the one person who connected me to my past my grandmother she represented the strength that I carry like a crown. She was a quiet down to earth lady who wanted nothing more than a good western and a good soap to watch. She didn’t bother anyone for nothing even tho her health was ailing.
When that stroke rendered my grandmother helpless I knew the moment I walked in that ICU unit that this would be my last goodbye. She didn’t wanna live that way and she would only hang on for the benefit of the family. This is hard for me to type…i'm fighting back tears so I can finish. As I watched the nurse suction her and the tear roll down my grandmother cheek and the tears well up in my moms eyes all I could do is walk out. My knowledge of what was going on with her was eating me up. Id seen cases like this and never did it go the right way. Her stroke had damaged her brain stem and she had had a mild one before that went unnoticed. As we started to leave the room I stayed behind…said the Lords prayer told my grandmother I loved her and whispered the hardest thing in the world in her ear “ it's okay granny I know ya tired god is calling you home, you can go” at that moment she looked up at me and I kissed her goodbye. The next day she was moved to a step-down unit to wait for a hospice bed to be ready. I had to work and they were strict on visiting hours so I just called all day aggravating the nurse who covered her. I got a call from my sis saying she was being moved to a nursing home and my mom was with her…i'm like OK things may be looking up the docs may have jumped the gun on her diagnosis. Cool ill go visit her the next day and we will shoot the breeze.
At 8am December 31 2009 I get a call from my little sis… she works at the facility where my grandmother was transferred to. She said Angie anyone call you from the NH I said no…she said while *choking back tears* Granny coded this morning and died in transit to the hospital (dropped the phone and froze) this is hard very hard cause I imagined her going in her sleep calmly peacefully not with people jabbing tubes down her throat and shocking her heart back in to rhythm. Oh Jesus it was the hardest thing to do to calm my is down cause she was now on the way to my moms house to give her the news (see this hospital never called my uncle (poa) or mom cause they never updated the number) I calmed her and called my brother and couldn't move from the spot I was in…sat there rocking and crying and praying for strength. Y'all when I say my Grandmother was my strength I mean it. Planning of her services dropped in my lap cause my uncle couldn't handle burying his own mom… he had taken good care of her every since he came home from Vietnam so I felt his pain and jumped right in. coming from a very dysfunctional family half in Ohio Detroit and Georgia it was hard because we kind of held a grudge because no one checked on “Aunt Sista” which was what she was called. The services went well and I got to meet a lot of ppl I wouldn't normally see…death always seems to tell us what we need to do “keep family first” I kept things together and didn't fall apart throughout the services. When we were leaving the burial site my feet wouldn't move, my heart start pounding fast, and I couldn't take my eyes off the casket and the tears just start flowing… It had to be my final moment with my grandma. I forced myself to move and sat in the limo just relieved she had a great home going and I had to finally let her flesh go. She is always in my thoughts and this morning (its 5:41am) she is right here with me keeping my crown on straight. I loved my granny I thank God we had the times we did have and when I get to that wonderful place amongst the clouds, I hope she waiting for me with a great big hug. RIP Flovella Jones 1/23/24 to 12/31/08.
*I wrote this poem and read it during her funeral*
*THANKS FOR READING FOLKS*
When that stroke rendered my grandmother helpless I knew the moment I walked in that ICU unit that this would be my last goodbye. She didn’t wanna live that way and she would only hang on for the benefit of the family. This is hard for me to type…i'm fighting back tears so I can finish. As I watched the nurse suction her and the tear roll down my grandmother cheek and the tears well up in my moms eyes all I could do is walk out. My knowledge of what was going on with her was eating me up. Id seen cases like this and never did it go the right way. Her stroke had damaged her brain stem and she had had a mild one before that went unnoticed. As we started to leave the room I stayed behind…said the Lords prayer told my grandmother I loved her and whispered the hardest thing in the world in her ear “ it's okay granny I know ya tired god is calling you home, you can go” at that moment she looked up at me and I kissed her goodbye. The next day she was moved to a step-down unit to wait for a hospice bed to be ready. I had to work and they were strict on visiting hours so I just called all day aggravating the nurse who covered her. I got a call from my sis saying she was being moved to a nursing home and my mom was with her…i'm like OK things may be looking up the docs may have jumped the gun on her diagnosis. Cool ill go visit her the next day and we will shoot the breeze.
At 8am December 31 2009 I get a call from my little sis… she works at the facility where my grandmother was transferred to. She said Angie anyone call you from the NH I said no…she said while *choking back tears* Granny coded this morning and died in transit to the hospital (dropped the phone and froze) this is hard very hard cause I imagined her going in her sleep calmly peacefully not with people jabbing tubes down her throat and shocking her heart back in to rhythm. Oh Jesus it was the hardest thing to do to calm my is down cause she was now on the way to my moms house to give her the news (see this hospital never called my uncle (poa) or mom cause they never updated the number) I calmed her and called my brother and couldn't move from the spot I was in…sat there rocking and crying and praying for strength. Y'all when I say my Grandmother was my strength I mean it. Planning of her services dropped in my lap cause my uncle couldn't handle burying his own mom… he had taken good care of her every since he came home from Vietnam so I felt his pain and jumped right in. coming from a very dysfunctional family half in Ohio Detroit and Georgia it was hard because we kind of held a grudge because no one checked on “Aunt Sista” which was what she was called. The services went well and I got to meet a lot of ppl I wouldn't normally see…death always seems to tell us what we need to do “keep family first” I kept things together and didn't fall apart throughout the services. When we were leaving the burial site my feet wouldn't move, my heart start pounding fast, and I couldn't take my eyes off the casket and the tears just start flowing… It had to be my final moment with my grandma. I forced myself to move and sat in the limo just relieved she had a great home going and I had to finally let her flesh go. She is always in my thoughts and this morning (its 5:41am) she is right here with me keeping my crown on straight. I loved my granny I thank God we had the times we did have and when I get to that wonderful place amongst the clouds, I hope she waiting for me with a great big hug. RIP Flovella Jones 1/23/24 to 12/31/08.
*I wrote this poem and read it during her funeral*
A LOSS FOR WORDS
Woke up this morning
At a loss for words
i don’t know where to start
just when things were looking brighter
getting a little more lighter
money stop being tighter
my grand Madre had a dark...
moment
her brain decides it doesn’t wanna do what its told
and she has came a long way
84yrs old
and she has seen all from 1924
and she even has lost a husband after the war
she has raised two boys and a girl
and for a young Georgia Peach
who left Georgia to follow her man
she has inspired me to live life
put my best foot forward
so now that she gone
in eternal sleep
my heart is at peace
the tears I still weep
but i can say I’m glad she gave me her hand to hold and
Grits and eggs mixed up in a bowl
lots of laughs and lots of stories
i thought my world was over
when her sight went and she couldn’t watch her
afternoon stories
the Alzheimer’s came
her memory is gone so she couldn’t remember my kids names'
but the beauty of the thing is I’m not being selfish
God is in control
he got this
for 84yrs she lived breathed and loved me
before i was bore
because i'm part of her baby girl what more could she ask for
so even tho my heart is hurting
my eyes are tearing
I’m at peace
I’ve had my piece of her world
she’s my angel now watching over me
And the family
Flovella Jones R.I.P.
my beautiful granny...
Love Angie
Comments
I wanted to cry right along with you when I read this Angie. I said it a year ago and I'll say it again....I'm so very sorry for your loss.
farrelsmith@hotmail.com
Hope to talk to you soon, but also thanks for sharing about Flovella it was nice. My grandmother passed 11/16/09 and it is not easy for me either.