I will not Lose

so me and a buddy of mine were chatting (hey sweet face) and he normally gives it to me raw and uncut...straight from the hip. He listened to me tell him about what had been troubling me and when i finished he Dr. Phill'd ya girl. He told me that when someone does me wrong i murder them out my life no warning no second chance no mercy so to say. he got me to thinking and re evaluating things and i couldn't do anything but agree with him. Lemme tell y'all i was a quiet book smart girl growing up did what momma told me nothing more nothing less. People talked crazy to me i had a big brother who would take care of it whether male or female. No fights no bullying no nothing. when i did start dating around 17yrs old i still was quite timid...didn't lose my innocence til 18 and also got my heart broke. Fast forward till today after many relationships friendships and drama and i feel like i have to have my guard up cause when u are meek and sit and let them world dictate your life u "lose yourself" forget whats really important.
I have a lot of things going on in my life right now very positive things. I wish not to travel down the road of destruction that tainted my being. Thankful for the thing that have empowered me and the people that came along with it. So if you have broke my heart stolen disrespected or anything of that sort i forgive u but i don't invite u to the rest of my life. You are dead in the water to me. Not that u didn't get plenty of chances but cause i don't need that shit no more. I know people say don't let what the last one did influences your decisions for the future but i'm sorry i rather be safer than sorry. come with ya a-game or don't even show up. that goes for friends family and anyone else trying to be in my life.

All in all i can say 2010 is turning around for me. I laugh at those who have crossed me because i am one of god's children and i may forget but he wont and u will have your day. I used to think that growing up with out a dad was a big issue but in hindsight i don't know if it would have made a difference in the men i chose to have in my life it iwould be nice to know but oh well *shrugs* My mom was good to us...and i should be thankful for the lessons she did give me and my sis even tho we didn't listen obviously lol.

Well family thanks for reading my thoughts...notice i didn't give any names cause i don't think anyone deserves notoriety in my world. If u suck u suck, if u still doing folks wrong and not taking the time to correct em then u reap what u sew (sp) Take care of your responsibility and stop blaming other people for your mistakes. We all have to just self evaluation and fix your flaws then don't wait for shit. I muttered these words a thousand times when i was younger "that ain't gonna be me" and fell right into the same situation i said i wasn't gonna end up in. Boo friggin hoo.. life goes on. Thanks for reading my thoughts leave a few words if ya feel the need.
(this will also be posted on my blogspot if u wish to read it there www.lykebuddaspillinit.blogspot.com