State of Lykebudda...
I thought i had many friends but i quickly found out i had frenemies. They have been in my house around my children. I've cried for them, supported them, and felt sorry for them. I entrusted some sensitive business to someone who i called my sister and my friend. She chose to make it her business to share. This wasn't a guess what type of conversation ya dig. In turn when confronted this person swore she said nothing but the people who informed me said it was her. One thing i cant stand is a liar. If i confront you and you admit your wrong i can forgive you...i wont forget. If you lie about it i will never respect you and i will disconnect from you period. You see i am a great friend. I'm their for my friends regardless of whats going on in my life and if i cant be there i say that. I've been told this person was jealous of me. Envious of the strength i convey, the love story i was experiencing, my job, etc. I would never ever be jealous of my firnds accomplishments...just take notes and stop settling for less. The devil is always on his job. In my life he has no room God is my everything and I'm thankful he exposed this person for who she really is.
My relationship has been paused...for how long who knows. Love is not a reason to be together. When one person has alot of I's and no We's they are not prepared to give you their 100%. When you know in your heart that the love is real it's hard to disconnect yourself from that feeling you want so much. I was so filled with sadness that i started doubting myself. Me and that man have been through alot in the year we were reconnected. I can truly say he taught me a lesson. I really am a aggressive woman. I don't like to allow the man to take the lead but with good reason i couldn't. I wasn't convinced that he could handle what i do everyday. He loved me past my issues, he held me when i couldn't maintain. He assured me that God had my back and that i am the best thing to come in his life besides his children. i will never let anyone tell me who this man was or is. I just wish we could have work on ourselves before we decided to be back in each others life. There is alot of pain in both our pasts and it kinda boiled over. I haven't slept in the bed we shared since he left. I sometimes sit here and daydream about all we have shared in this house. I am stuck with the memories and I'm sure they will fade. Maybe one day everything will be right and we can continue our love story. Yeah that sounds better.
My depression is real...i do go to counseling every other Tuesday. I do get lonely. I don't really expose my children to my sadness...i have to keep a facade up for them cause all they know is strong indestructible mom. Its hard being a single parent to teenagers. They are not stupid by far. I get hugs and kisses from my son daily. He saw me staring out the window with tears streaming and he didn't ask what was wrong he just offered me some tissue and a hug n kiss. I love them so much they are the reason for everything. In my sadness i sometime forget that...i admit it. I'm only thinking bout myself sometimes. God greatest gift is children...mine are heaven sent. I realize i am being prepared for something great..its just getting there that is stressful. I plan on grabbing all that is for me and taking it by the horns.
I never thought i would say this but some people around me are full of shit. That includes family, friends, e-friends. I have heard so many stories of how real, how resourceful, how positive these people are. They are really a bunch of snakes, desperate men and women, and whores. They inbox, chat and message people about you and don't think it will get out. Lemme clear this up. I don't say or type anything i cant repeat to the person in question. I don't do the "I'm not her/his friend so you shouldn't be", i don't care if you don't like my blogs, my honesty, my statuses, pictures, or anything else. So if you want to say anything to me or about me the comment section is open below. I don't like cowards or two faced people. Trust me I've heard so many stories about other people and never repeated it. Trust is such a great quality to have. Honesty is a gift. Truth is shared by those who have no secrets. I rather you stay away from me if you don't have one or more of those. We definitely cant vibe.....nope not at all.
I'm going into 2013 with fresh eyes....leaving it all in the past. Those who continue on this journey called life with me...get ya boarding pass I'm going places with or without you. I want to thank my sister, my friends aka sistars, the man who holds my heart right now , and my mother for allowing me the courage to smile and not give up. Everyday i thank God for another day, another lesson, and all that comes with it. Feel free to drop a comment. I appreciate it.
Comments
There was a time in my life when I would have denied the benefits of counselling. But I have no problem telling you that going probably kept me alive earlier this year.
We all have trials. We have to meet them head on and strive to surround ourselves with positive people that care about us.
I have been a hero to many In My Life; Still Am. You? YOU are MY HEROINE. And NO ONE Can Tell You Different! As Long as You Remain Strong, You will NEVER Have a Shortage of Spirit and Strength.
My Heart, Thoughts, and Prayers will ALWAYS Be With You. :-)