Makings of me "Heartache"


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In all fairness I'm gonna give a real account of the last five years of my "love life" I won't mention names but I will keep all situations authentic.

{Deep sigh} 2005 I met a guy we was diggin each other and he respected that I had small children who I didn't want to involve in our courtship. Mainly because I had just closed a chapter with my youngest child's father and didn't need to confuse them with random fellas coming around. We got very close spent a lot of time together and in several months the kids did meet him. He wasn't the richest dude but he had skills in the music side and worked when he wasn't laid off. One day I found out I wasn't the only one he got along with. I was meeting someone around his way sitting in my car waiting for the person to pull up and low and behold my man pulls up gets out the driver seat of a chicks car and proceeds to walk towards the house. My stiletto heel couldn't keep me from walking up on him and questioning him bout his goings on....he blew me off and I swallowed that....didn't yell scream nothing I bottles that up and said never again. Few months later I turned the tables and did something that made me feel better....*smirk a woman scorned is a deadly weapon*
{Fast forward} 2006-2007 I'm browsing the net this dude hits me up says he has checked me out at the reggae club tried to holla at me several times and of course I blew him off. He finally ask me out and encourages me to bring a friend so I won't think he is a weirdo. So I go with my girl and we have a ball with him and his friend and decide to do a movie in a wek or two. This cat had the nicest smile sexiest lips peircing gray eyes and was a very sexy hispanic/black guy...(flashback moment) we dated for 9months withing those months I had lost 30lbs was feeling good about things going on in my life. Then *brakes* he started that shit. Being unreacheable, distant, irritable...ya kno just not himself
no signs that there is trouble I tried to ignore some signs cuz of course us women over react. Not this time I was on the money. He didn't tell me what was wrong...it just wasn't me. His ex/babymother was pregnant damn near close to her due date..she had told him at 6months and I guess he felt like that was where he belonged. I could have respected him if he was communicating with me. I still see him but I can't be his friend...he doesn't deserve my friendship.

I vowed to just be happy alone... who needs love ya know?! I dabble here and there just doing me.
Met a few frogs...kicked it with a few fish just had fun just playing the field.

*2008* This one is hard y'all because it caused me to never put anyone above anything. It was short lived whirlwind that I never wanna experience again. This dude wasn't my type but by word of mouth and his attention/affection for me got me hooked. We laughed together sang together damn near lived together and I fell fast. He was a bright light to me. But after a brief courtship and a lot of lies uncovered I found out this man was a liar, broke, coward who didn't deserve my love. He embarrased me among our peers cause they knew and I didn't. I made him look good. I fed his ass, fukked him and respected him and I got the taste smacked out my mouth and a new reason not to trust everything that comes out a mans mouth. My advice if ur heart pumps for someone else don't bring another person in the picture. Fix or rekindle that lost love before u hop into a new persons life. *I'm done with that one*

That summer was one of reflection for me...I didn't wanna date I just wanted to do me and my kids. I had plenty of advances but no cookie. Take time and let ya heart heal.
2009 Was a year of lessons I learned a lot about me...and I also learned someone can love me with all my baggage but I have to leave the baggage where it belongs. That person is still in my life he is my friend confident and my biggest supporter. I've grown to appreciate his placement in my life. It is still a unfinished puzzle between us. Ill leave it at that.

I've left a few details out here and there to protect identities and "reputations" I don't kiss and tell but if I did chile them fellas would need therapy.
I think I might go into detail in another blog about the early years....I'm sleepy. Lata ppl

Comments

"My advice if ur heart pumps for someone else don't bring another person in the picture. Fix or rekindle that lost love before u hop into a new persons life."

See that right there seems so simple to me. But, it never fails there is always someone moving before the fresh wounds have healed from the previous love experience. I understand that we will never completely get over certain things. *sigh* Let me stop rambling. I feel you so much here Budda. It takes time and when the time is right .. you will know. Much love! (((HUG)))))
Da_Kween said…
This journey is so many other women's journey. There is without a doubt a LOT of this going around.

I can't figure out if it's the male to female ratio and we outnumber them, so we are a dime a dozen to them...or the desperados make it easy for them, so the good ones suffer the BS...it's beyond my understanding the way folks leap in and out of relationships out of fear of loneliness and greed.

I am glad you're learning your lessons. I'm damn sure learning mine.
ABoyd378 said…
This write has me thinking about and reflecting on my last 2 relationships (5.5 (years and the other was 6 months respectively). Sadly, relationships like these teach us alot about with whom we associate. At the same time, hopefully, we learn to be more inquisitive as well as informed about what we do and who we affiliate with as far as Courtship.

*HUGS* Great write. I too, learned alot about myself during my experiences. I an glad to see that you are Stronger from yours!j
LYKEBUDDA said…
Thanks everyone...a lot of lessons learned bridges burned and I wouldn't trade em for the world.