My Truth Day 3 - I have to forgive myself for...
Day 3 – Single parenthood
I need to forgive myself for choosing the wrong men to father my children.
Yeah, it’s ironic huh? I just had this conversation with my cousins this weekend about how I wish I had more responsible fathers for my children. Why me? I’m damn near ashamed that I am raising two on my own. Raising these kids basically all alone has made my life a challenge, but a worthy one. I was in a relationship with both of my children’s dads. My relationship with my son’s father ended when he offered me money for an abortion *side eye* two years I’m with you enduring you running the streets and possibly sleeping around (had no proof) and when this happy time (for me at least) comes around you crush me with that? Yea it still burns me up after 13 years.
I blame me for choosing to carry the child and raise him on my own. His contribution was only monetary for the first 6-7 years of his life. I blame me because I went against him and had our son when I knew he wasn’t ready for any more children (had 2 already) I started to think he wanted me to suffer, to teach me a lesson. It did. My daughter’s father different story he wanted to be a dad. He realized I had been through a lot with my son and I wasn’t looking forward to an instant replay. Long story short my son was 4 when I gave birth and for a while me and old boy worked out. It didn’t last long his need to be in complete control ran me away. Again when we broke ties he did right for a minute and then boom…I’m a single parent of 2.
I feel if I went with my first mind I wouldn’t have been in either one of these situations. I have to forgive myself for not being responsible enough to be choosey about whom I got pregnant by. I wasn’t out wilding out giving up the coochie to just anyone. I was involved with these gentlemen (used loosely) and knew or ignored the signs that hey maybe he wasn’t the one to father my children. My kids have struggled with me, starved with me, been cold, in the dark… down and out y'all. They wouldn’t have gone through that with two responsible parents. I think it’s my fault….I have raised them well they are 10 and 13 and very healthy and respectful young people. I forgive myself because I took my situation and did the best thing I could with it. There has gotta be an angel up in heaven for looking out for me and my buddaful children. I’ve had some good days and bad days but I wouldn’t trade a thing.
Welp that was something I need to forgive myself for…. Day 3 My Truth.
I need to forgive myself for choosing the wrong men to father my children.
Yeah, it’s ironic huh? I just had this conversation with my cousins this weekend about how I wish I had more responsible fathers for my children. Why me? I’m damn near ashamed that I am raising two on my own. Raising these kids basically all alone has made my life a challenge, but a worthy one. I was in a relationship with both of my children’s dads. My relationship with my son’s father ended when he offered me money for an abortion *side eye* two years I’m with you enduring you running the streets and possibly sleeping around (had no proof) and when this happy time (for me at least) comes around you crush me with that? Yea it still burns me up after 13 years.
I blame me for choosing to carry the child and raise him on my own. His contribution was only monetary for the first 6-7 years of his life. I blame me because I went against him and had our son when I knew he wasn’t ready for any more children (had 2 already) I started to think he wanted me to suffer, to teach me a lesson. It did. My daughter’s father different story he wanted to be a dad. He realized I had been through a lot with my son and I wasn’t looking forward to an instant replay. Long story short my son was 4 when I gave birth and for a while me and old boy worked out. It didn’t last long his need to be in complete control ran me away. Again when we broke ties he did right for a minute and then boom…I’m a single parent of 2.
I feel if I went with my first mind I wouldn’t have been in either one of these situations. I have to forgive myself for not being responsible enough to be choosey about whom I got pregnant by. I wasn’t out wilding out giving up the coochie to just anyone. I was involved with these gentlemen (used loosely) and knew or ignored the signs that hey maybe he wasn’t the one to father my children. My kids have struggled with me, starved with me, been cold, in the dark… down and out y'all. They wouldn’t have gone through that with two responsible parents. I think it’s my fault….I have raised them well they are 10 and 13 and very healthy and respectful young people. I forgive myself because I took my situation and did the best thing I could with it. There has gotta be an angel up in heaven for looking out for me and my buddaful children. I’ve had some good days and bad days but I wouldn’t trade a thing.
Welp that was something I need to forgive myself for…. Day 3 My Truth.
Comments
I'm glad you forgave yourself...because you did it just how it was supposed to be done to get the two jewels you have. (((HUGS)))
Its always easier to forgive someone else than to forgive yourself.