Angry Heart

I am so disappointed this morning....*deep breath*
I'm always praying for clarity and relief of the questions in my head. My sister is a messenger I tell you it seems like every time I'm going through something she shows up with the "epiphany" moment. What she told me hurt my feelings and also made me mad. I never intend to question things I can't control, but now i sit and question my choice of giving second chances when it comes to love. I always said I wouldn't go backwards and I stuck to it. Why cause the connection was so strong i had to see if it was meant to be. Taking chances is never my things. I need a stable...hold on let me rephrase I want a stable, loving, and equally yoked relationship. I'm so tired of putting people on pedestals and they belittle it without pause. I'm angry that I feel like I wasted time being so good to a person that may or may not felt 100% of what I was feeling. 

Wrong time (could be) Not meant to be (possible) I can handle all that. what i cannot deal with is all the bullshit i hear. If you broke, stressed out, limited on time you can come everyone see you says your cool but i get the sob story. Get fuck outta with that shit..real talk. Summer went by in a blur for me. I had such a good feeling about this. I was ready to sit on the sidelines and wait for everything to get better. I passed up dates, offers to go on trips with no strings attached, and many advances. Why? Cause i was determined to stand by the man who said i was everything he needed and more. To support someone who hadn't received the love he deserved in his former relationship. Pouring out my love through my lips, my pen and placing him on a different future. I really didn't intend to write all this but the more I get out the better i feel.

Yeah some are reading saying "it didn't work out just move on", to that i say true but It doesn't work like that for me. I feel strongly about whomever i give my heart too. I take people at their word and acknowledge everything else by their action. I hate to be lied to. I hate for anyone to insult my intelligence. I'm no ones fling. booty call or dummy. I'm a woman with needs, wants and desires. someone will embrace all this love one day, but for now solo looks pretty damn good to me. It will allow me to shake off this feeling of resentment. I really need to be on a man-cation. I spoke with one of my ex-boos a few days ago and he said it like this. "you are beautiful, desirable, smart, intelligent and sexy. You are aggressive when you want something and you fight for what you want. Everyone is not worthy of what you have to give". He also said i was a woman that needs to withdrawal from the relationship spectra and really do some soul searching (he really said leave these lame ass nukkas alone and do you for a while you too fine for the bullshit) Might not be a bad idea.
 Thanks for reading...i feel so much better and i haven't even hit the Publish button. HAAA! 


Reggie said…
Writing these posts is an outlet for getting this stuff out. Sometimes I think that if I didn't have this particular outlet that I'd end up on the Nightly News. I absolutely feel you.
I woke up so angry this morning I started to be a birch and call but nope that would only cause issues. Im glad I have my blig to let it out.

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