Who cares what you think? Really tho...

Really not sure what I’m writing my mind is going a million miles a minute I don’t know what to do with myself I don’t get speechless very often but I am now. I have to keep telling myself over and over again it’s not over. He isn’t done with me yet but I also know I have to stay in prayer I have continue to believe that God will and can work it out in my behalf. Now more than ever I believe it.

The little things that pop up may discourage me but I know those are the bumps in the road in this journey called life. I want to do so much right now. I just need to prioritize more. Those words spoken by Tyler Perry and Pastor Winans at Whitney Houston’s funeral spoke volumes to me. People spend so much time telling you about you but they don’t really know you. They know what you and others tell them, so it’s like stop trying to pencil in your thoughts about me. No one knows my struggle they only know what I tell them and believe me I cut and paste. Whitney was viewed as a prodigy, then a diva, then a money maker, the wife of a bad boy, then mother, then crack addict and then at her death everyone wanted to call her The voice…no more jokes. She was a daughter, she was a mother, she was a friend, she was an artist, she was an icon and she was what? Human not free from making mistakes. No one is to blame for her “issues” she was the star player on her own team. I loved her I grew up trying to be as cute as she was one of my idols.  Nothing anyone says will change that.

We spend so much time wondering what another mf thinks of us and it doesn’t have to be that way. Be a role model? Ugh no I teach my kids to be individuals, don’t follow the normal, make your mark in this world. I live to satisfy myself and the kids second. I am so tired of being nice and getting the bs end of the stick. I love to love and be loved and I’m not complaining about my current situation. I just saying I need to be sure of everything like I said a few blogs back I’m tired of being dropped on my ass. I’m oh so careful right now. I’m acting rather nicca-rish. I’m calling shots right now. No more let the man lead its 50/50 period.

Today I really had to take a long look at myself and ask am I really happy. Are my wishes, hopes, and dreams being fulfilled? I couldn’t answer those questions with a positive yes. I really wish I could but I stopped lying to myself a long time ago. It is what it is but a change is gonna come I can no longer live in fear. No one had to tell me that it’s in the bible Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear , for I am with you do not be dismayed  for I am your god I will strengthen you and help you I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” With god in my corner I cannot lose. I think I will end this rambling with that statement. I love what God is doing in my life.

~Budda~