Room for Doubt

So this morning my man saunters in here in the wee hours of the morning from a drink and drown cabaret...I'm sleep and he wakes me up to cuddle. As i look at the time i say yeah right and turn over and tell him good night. I'm not bout to even go there cause i have company in my house this weekend. So now I'm up and he is sleep so i rummage through the phone to see what kept him out so late when we have an understanding that 2 am we should be home. Suspect text messages in the phone and a questionable text involving a picture being sent. I try not to trip cause the field he is in requires him to be "exhibitionist like" with prospective clients. He is an exotic dancer...

yeah i know. 


So I'm trying to wig out on him for no reason cause what he does brings money into this house. I just don't want this man to take my understanding for stupid. Everything he has done i did 17 years ago...same career but short lived. I know these women don't want to hear their favorite stripper has a woman. I know sometime he may have to flirt alot to get what they giving him. I just have to trust that he respects our relationship when he walks out this house. 

The distrust starts coming in when shit doesn't add up...it might be my bruised heart that may be over thinking and second guessing the words spoken to me by my man. I'm not going anywhere, you are what completes me, i love you and will never hurt you. Like my mom says "sounds good" but you gotta backup those words with action or they don't mean shit. He does back it up for the most part i must say. From what I have experienced doubt is not a good thing to have...distrust comes from a long history of hurt. This man says he wants to marry me...hmmm okay let's see what happens. I cannot accept anymore bull in my life i really cant.
thanks for reading...feel free to comment or tell me to chill out. :)